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A letter to your younger self

You write a letter to yourself at the age when things were hardest.

Exercise 20 minut

You write the letter to your younger self to the child you were at a particular time — ideally when things were hardest. It helps to look at a photograph from that period before you start. You write what they needed to hear back then: that it was not their fault, that they understood as much as they could, that they survived in the way that was available to them. Do not write advice and do not explain what they should have done differently. Many people cry while writing; that is not a sign you did the exercise wrong.

When to use it

With stubborn self-criticism and with shame from childhood. For many people it is easier to reach themselves as a child than themselves today — and that is precisely the point.

How it goes

  1. Choose an age and one concrete scene that comes to mind.
  2. Write to that child: what you can see they are carrying, and what wasn’t there that should have been.
  3. Tell them what wasn’t their fault.
  4. Finish with what you would like to give them.

Why it works

Shame and self-criticism often grow out of an interpretation a child made because no other was available. The letter sets that interpretation beside an adult one.

See also

The empty chair You address someone who isn't in the room as if they were sitting opposite — and answer from their seat too. Worry postponement You give worries their own slot in the day, so they stop turning up at every opportunity — especially at night. Three questions in the evening Three written answers before sleep that give the day an ending instead of rumination.

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This is what insomnia taught me. What has it taught you? Traumatic experiences can leave you weakened — on recovery and strength. On the worries that drain our energy. On why differentiation matters in relationships. Self-confidence starts with self-awareness. On how hard it is to start — and harder still to keep going.