A conversation without interruption
Each of you speaks for three minutes while the other listens and doesn't reply — then you swap.
The uninterrupted conversation runs by the clock. One person speaks for ten minutes about their own experience, in the first person, without accusations; the other stays silent the whole time and simply listens. Then the listener briefly summarises what they heard, until the speaker confirms it was understood correctly. Only then do you swap roles. Answering, correcting facts and fixing are all forbidden. The first time it will feel awkward and artificial; that is normal. This is not a conversation but training in separating listening from defending.
When to use it
When a couple’s conversation collapses into defence every time. The exercise separates speaking from replying, which is often all that is missing.
How it goes
- The first person speaks for three minutes about how they experience one concrete thing. No »you«, only »I«.
- The second person only listens. No explaining, no correcting, no facial expressions that are a reply.
- Then the second person summarises what they heard and asks: did I understand that right?
- Swap roles.
- Only then, if needed, talk about solutions.
Why it works
Feeling heard settles a person more than a solution does. Interruptions prevent it, even when they are well meant.
