What's mine, what's theirs
A boundary exercise: a dividing line between what is your responsibility and what isn't.
»What is mine, what is theirs« is a simple split into two lists after a concrete event. On the first you write what you did, said or chose; on the second, what belonged to the other person — their mood, their decision, their reaction. This is not about excusing yourself and not about blaming; it is about precision. Many people find their own list surprisingly short, and that realisation is often the hardest part. It is worth repeating the exercise several times for the same relationship, because the boundary only shows up as a pattern.
When to use it
When someone else’s bad mood drags you with it, when you carry responsibility for how others feel, or when after every argument you go over what you should have done differently.
How it goes
- Describe the event in three sentences, without explanation.
- Draw a line and divide: mine — my actions, my tone, my choice; theirs — their reaction, their mood, their interpretation.
- Beside each item on your side, write what you could have done differently. Beside the items on the other side, write nothing.
- A closing sentence: This I am responsible for, this I am not.
Why it works
Fusion means feeling someone else’s experience as your duty. Drawing the line isn’t coldness — it is the condition for staying in contact without being swept away.
