Conflict
A collision of two needs — in itself not a sign of a bad relationship, but a sign of two people.
How it shows up
Couples who don’t argue aren’t necessarily more connected; often they are just more careful. Research on couples shows that what matters isn’t how often conflicts occur, but how they start and how they are repaired.
What we do with it in therapy
We work on a soft start-up, on pausing when it’s too much, and on repair after an argument. Repair is the strongest factor — more important than who was right.
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See also
Window of tolerance
The range of arousal in which you can feel and think at the same time; above it you're overwhelmed, below it numb.
Executive functions
The group of capacities that make planning, starting, switching and inhibiting possible.
Boundaries
The line that says what is acceptable to you — and what you will do if it isn't respected.
