Boundaries
The line that says what is acceptable to you — and what you will do if it isn't respected.
How it shows up in daily life
We often mistake a boundary for a request. »Please don’t call me after ten« is a request. A boundary is: »After ten I don’t answer the phone.« The first depends on whether the other person complies; the second depends only on you. That is why requests leave resentment and boundaries don’t.
What we do with it in therapy
First we look at where you even feel a boundary has been crossed — the first sign is often bodily rather than mental. Then we practise stating a boundary without apologising and without attacking. And, hardest of all: what you do when someone won’t accept it.
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See also
Restlessness
A bodily inability to stay still, which we often mistake for a need to work.
Self-image
Your picture of who you are — as distinct from self-confidence, which is the belief that you can do something.
The four horsemen
Four ways of communicating which, in Gottman's research, most strongly predict a relationship breaking down: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.
