Sentences for setting boundaries
Sentence patterns that state a boundary without apologising and without attacking.
When to use them
When you know where your boundary is but run out of words — or when every attempt ends in an argument, or in your giving way.
The structure
A boundary has three parts: what I notice, what I need, what I will do. The last part is what separates a boundary from a request.
- I notice the conversation is getting heated. — I need a pause. — I’ll carry on in half an hour.
- I can’t manage it this week. — no explanation; an explanation is an invitation to negotiate.
- I’m glad to help you, just not today. — refusing a request isn’t refusing the person.
- I’m not going to talk about that. — a boundary may also be a topic, not only an action.
What to expect
The first time you set a boundary with someone used to you not setting one, they will almost certainly push harder. That isn’t a sign that you did it wrong — it is a sign that the balance has shifted.
Read more
Preberi več na blogu
See also
Questions for your doctor
A short list to take to an appointment, so you leave with answers rather than new doubts.
Panic card
A card for your wallet with a few sentences you couldn't put together during an attack.
Family screen agreement
Rules about screens that the family sets together and that apply to the adults too.
