Rationalisation
A reasonable-sounding explanation for something you did for entirely different reasons.
How it shows up
You stay in a job that is destroying you and give five factual reasons. All of them are true. And yet none is the real reason — that is usually fear of change.
What we do with it in therapy
We don’t dispute the reasons, because as a rule they’re accurate. But I ask: if all of that were sorted out, what would still hold you back? That is where the real conversation begins.
See also
Mentalising
The ability to understand your own and others' behaviour as an expression of inner states, not as fact.
Avoidance
Retreating from what triggers distress — the fastest relief and the most reliable way of making sure the distress stays.
Anxiety
A response to a danger that isn't here — the body prepares for something that hasn't happened and often won't.
