How sex survives routine: intimacy you can (and can't) plan
Does arranging Thursday kill romance or save it? What research says about scheduled sex, novelty in a shared life, and closeness that asks for nothing.
ReadCouples therapy
What goes on beneath an argument. Posts on communication, expectations, trust, and when couples therapy is not the right path.
Loneliness in a relationship: alone beside someone
You have a partner, a shared home and a full diary, and still feel alone. How emotional absence and parallel lives develop, and what can be done before the silence sets hard.
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From blame to needs: how a couple learns a new language
"You never listen to me" almost always means "I miss you". Learn to translate blame into needs, and to hear the need underneath your partner's reproach.
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When only one of you wants therapy: does couples therapy still make sense?
Your partner will not come to therapy? You are not condemned to wait. What one person can do for the relationship, and how to invite without it sounding like an accusation.
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How we argue safely in couples therapy, and why arguing is allowed at all
An argument in therapy is not an incident, it is material. Learn the rules of safe arguing and how a therapist holds the frame when feelings boil over.
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The Four Horsemen in relationships: Gottman's predictors of a breakup
Criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling: the four patterns that, according to Gottman, most reliably predict a breakup. Learn to spot them and their antidotes.
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It is not about the dishes: what really lies underneath recurring arguments
The same argument keeps returning because it was never about the dishes. Find out which deeper theme sits underneath your recurring fights, and how to reach it.
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When to start couples therapy: signs you need help before it is too late
Couples wait years, on average, before they look for help. Here are the signs that it is time for couples therapy, before the way back gets too long.
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Same-sex couples in therapy: what is the same and what is different
Same-sex couples come to therapy for the same reasons as everyone else. What differs is the environment around the relationship: minority stress, different openness and fewer ready-made roles.
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Why the same fight keeps coming back: the intrapsychic in relationships
The content of the argument changes, the argument stays the same. What lies beneath the surface, why we choose this particular partner, and how one partner comes to feel what the other…
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