Making a genogram: step-by-step instructions with a complete example

There is a blank sheet in front of you. You know you would like to draw your family — perhaps because you have heard a genogram helps you understand patterns, perhaps because you have a session with a therapist coming up, perhaps out of sheer curiosity. And then you get stuck on the first question: where do I even start?

This post is a practical guide to making a genogram using one complete example — from a blank page to a finished drawing you can bring to a session or keep for yourself. If you want the precise meaning of every symbol and the questions you can ask relatives, I covered those in more detail in How to make your own genogram. Here we will build one together.

What a genogram is — in one sentence

A genogram is a drawing of a family that shows not only who is who, but also what the relationships between people are like and what repeats in the family. It grew out of systemic family therapy, and the notation is standardised in the handbook by Monica McGoldrick, Randy Gerson and Sueli Petry, whose first edition appeared in 1985. About ten symbols are enough for a useful genogram.

The example we will draw

Let us imagine Nina (a fictional person). She was born in 1990 and has a younger brother, Tim. Her parents, Marko and Irena, divorced when she was eleven. Her father later remarried, to Tanja, and had a son, Jan. Nina is close to her mother but did not speak to her father for eight years. Her mother’s father, Franc, was dependent on alcohol and died in 2010. Her father’s parents, Janez and Ana, have both died.

Described like that, it sounds like a story. On a genogram it becomes a picture that can be read at a glance.

Making a genogram in six steps

This is how I arrived at this drawing. I recommend the same order to you — whether you draw on paper or online.

Step 1: start with yourself. In the middle of the lower part of the page, draw yourself — a circle for a woman, a square for a man — and outline the shape with a double line. This is your starting point. Everything else is drawn upwards and outwards from you.

Step 2: add your brothers and sisters. Draw them in the same row, from the oldest on the left to the youngest on the right. For Nina, that is Tim. Her half-brother Jan is in the same generation, but we add him later, because he hangs from a different union.

Step 3: draw your parents and their union. Above yourself, draw your father (left) and mother (right), connect them with a horizontal line that drops down, and from it draw vertical lines to the children. If they separated, draw two slashes across the union line. Write the year of the divorce beside it.

Step 4: add new unions and half-siblings. The father’s second partner goes on the other side of him, with a new union line. Their child hangs from this line — so you can see at once that Jan is Nina’s half-brother, not her brother. This is one of the greatest advantages of a genogram over an ordinary family tree: you can see through which union people are connected.

Step 5: add your grandparents. Above each parent, draw their parents and their union. That is enough for three generations, the standard for most conversations. For those who have died, draw a cross over the shape and write both years. For people with an illness or addiction, fill in part of the shape — Franc’s lower half is filled because he was dependent on alcohol.

Step 6: draw the relationships. Only once the structure is complete, draw relationship lines between people: two parallel lines for a close relationship, a dashed line with two cross-bars for a cut-off. For Nina, we get a close relationship with her mother and a cut-off with her father. More types of relationship — from fusion to hostility — are described in the post on symbols.

What to write next to each person

Once the structure is drawn, you can add information to each person. You don’t need all of it — every extra detail makes the genogram richer, but also denser. To begin with I recommend this:

• Name and years — of birth and, for those who have died, of death. Years above the shape, age can go inside it.
• Unions — the year of marriage or of starting to live together, of separation or divorce. With several unions, number them in order.
• Significant illnesses and addictions — with an agreed fill of the shape, the name of the illness below it.
• Major turning points — moves, losses, accidents, wars, job losses. These are not symbols but short notes next to the person.
• Roles in the family — who was “the one who held everyone together”, who the “black sheep”, who looked after others. I wrote about roles in Roles in the family.

With every detail, ask yourself: does this help me understand the relationships? If not, leave it out. A genogram is not a complete family archive, but a map of what matters for your story.

What if you don’t know your family

Many people give up before they start because they know almost nothing about part of their family. A parent left when they were small. They were adopted. Someone was never spoken about. Their grandparents died before they met them.

That is no reason not to make a genogram — often it is a reason to make one. Draw the person you know nothing about anyway, without a name and without a year. In the online tool such a person is drawn with their role — “father”, “grandmother”; on paper, mark them with a question mark. When you look at a genogram where half the family is blank, you see something very important: where the gaps in your story are. Those gaps often have their own influence, precisely because they are empty.

For adopted people, a genogram can include both families: birth and adoptive, connected by different kinds of line. I wrote about family secrets and stories that are kept silent in Family secrets and unfinished stories.

What you can read from the finished drawing

Once the genogram is drawn, the most interesting part begins: reading it. With Nina, at a glance we notice something the story did not show so clearly.

Distance between fathers and daughters. Irena was in conflict with her father Franc. Nina did not speak to her father Marko for eight years. Two generations, the same pattern — a daughter who withdraws from her father. That does not mean the pattern is destiny, but it is worth a question: what passed between fathers and daughters in this family?

Addiction and divorce. Franc was dependent on alcohol. His daughter Irena divorced. On its own that says nothing, but in conversation it may turn out that as a child Irena promised herself she “wouldn’t end up like Mum” — and left at the first sign of a similar pattern. Research on intergenerational transmission shows that relationship patterns are often passed on in just such an invisible way. I wrote about this in Intergenerational transmission.

A new family and a half-brother. Jan grew up in a different household. What is the relationship between Nina and Jan like? There is no line on this genogram — and that too is information. Blank spaces are often as telling as drawn ones.

A genogram reader is not looking for someone to blame. They are looking for a pattern — and the questions that pattern opens. There is more on what a genogram can reveal in What a genogram reveals.

On paper or online?

You can draw a genogram in several ways. Each has its advantages.

On paper. The quickest start, and something with its own weight — a hand that draws often discovers more than a finger on a screen. The downside: corrections. When you realise you forgot your aunt’s second marriage, you have to start again. It helps to draw in pencil first and leave plenty of room at the sides. You will find a printable template with a symbol key in the knowledge base under genogram template.

Online. An online drawing tool places the shapes itself, keeps the spacing when you add a new relative, and knows symbols you may not. That is why I built a genogram maker that is free and in which your genogram stays only in your browser. You can read more about what it does and why it is built this way in Genogram tool.

With a therapist. A genogram you draw yourself is valuable. A genogram you draw alongside someone who knows how to ask questions often shows more — because the therapist notices what you pass over because it seems self-evident to you. I wrote about how a genogram session works in A Look into the Past: what happens in a 90-minute genogram session.

The most common mistakes in making a genogram

• Too many generations at once. Five generations on one sheet cannot be read. Start with three.
• Relationships before structure. If you draw relationships as you go, the lines get tangled. First all the people, then the lines between them.
• Children hanging from two parents instead of the union. A child always hangs from the union line, not from one of the parents. Only then can you see who is a half-brother or half-sister.
• Leaving out the “unimportant”. A miscarriage, a stillborn child, a short first marriage, a child who died young — these very stories are often key, because the family is silent about them.
• Waiting for complete information. If you don’t know something, leave it blank. A blank space is information too.

Exercise: a genogram in twenty minutes

If you want to start today, take twenty minutes and follow this process.

1. Five minutes — structure. Draw yourself, your siblings, parents and grandparents. Just shapes and union lines, no names.
2. Five minutes — details. Add the names and years you know. Mark what you don’t know with a question mark.
3. Five minutes — relationships. Choose the three relationships you feel most strongly and draw them in.
4. Five minutes — observation. Look at the drawing from a distance. What repeats? Where are the most blank spaces? What surprises you?
5. Write down one question that opened up for you — and perhaps ask one of your relatives.

The limits of doing it yourself

Making a genogram can be surprisingly emotional. When you draw a brother who died, or a father you don’t speak to, it is not only the paper that opens. If drawing unsettles you more than you expected, stop. A genogram doesn’t need to be drawn in one evening.

Nor is a genogram a diagnosis. It does not tell you what is wrong with you and does not predict the future. It is a map — and a map is most useful when you read it with someone who knows the terrain. If a theme on it hits you particularly hard, that is a good reason to bring it to a session.

What to remember

• Making a genogram takes six steps: you, siblings, parents, new unions, grandparents, relationships.
• First structure, then details, and only at the end relationships.
• A child hangs from the union line, not from one parent — that is how half-siblings show.
• Three generations are the standard; blank spaces are as much information as filled ones.
• You can draw a genogram on paper, with an online tool or with a therapist.